The good news is that if you live with someone who can’t load the dishwasher to save their life, always waits until the last possible moment to shower or steals fries off your plate at every opportunity, take heart in knowing you’re certainly not alone.
For your entertainment, we’ve gathered 50 of the funniest and most relatable marriage tweets we’ve seen this year.
Check them out below:1
DATING: I thought it was sad when I’d see a married couple at a restaurant not talking.
MARRIED: We carry on an entire conversation about the couple on a date at the table next to us using only our eyebrows.3,7997:39 PM – Feb 18, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy624 people are talking about this4
After many heart to heart talks my husband and I have decided at this stage of our marriage to go ahead and get separate tubes of toothpaste.1,2937:19 AM – Jan 10, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy532 people are talking about this6
Husband “I thought you were dieting?”
Me “I am”
Husband “You just ate 6 Oreos”
Me “Yes but I want to eat 12. See – Dieting”42.9K7:40 PM – Mar 15, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy12.5K people are talking about this8
my wife and i can’t agree on where to eat so this time we’re going to her favorite restaurant then next time we’ll go to her other favorite restaurant1,6611:35 PM – Jan 3, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy426 people are talking about this10
You’d think for $40 they’d be able to cut anything but apparently my wife’s expensive craft scissors are not for opening ice pops.2,3116:11 PM – Sep 4, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy285 people are talking about this11
Peacock: *spreads feathers at me*
Husband: It’s trying to attract you as a mate
Me: *shyly lifts top*
Husband: no113K11:42 AM – Aug 21, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy20.3K people are talking about this13
Me: are you ready?
Me: great, I got myself and the kids ready and everything’s packed up and we’ll actually be on time if we leave right this second, let’s get in the car-
Husband: okay, just need to hop in the shower real quick10.4K11:27 AM – Oct 27, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy1,821 people are talking about this14
My husband and I have reached the age that neither of us will get up to investigate even the strangest of noises.79910:23 AM – Apr 7, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy235 people are talking about this19
First year married: I want to spend every moment with you
All other years: maybe you could move into your own house1,8632:20 PM – Jul 22, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy540 people are talking about this21
I tried on an outfit and asked husband if he liked that one or the next one best…then went into the closet and came out with the exact same outfit on and he looked at me and dead ass said, “Definitely the first one.”16.8K3:25 PM – Aug 19, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy2,079 people are talking about this22
Wife: [reaches for the fries on my plate]
Me: [slides grocery divider between plates]
Wife: you said you didn’t take that from the store.
Me: and you said you didn’t want any fries but here we are.11.5K7:02 AM – Aug 16, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy2,619 people are talking about this23
Friend: My husband sets his alarm 30 minutes early so we can cuddle in the morning.
Me: My husband lets me sleep because he values his life.5,7731:25 PM – Jul 16, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy1,857 people are talking about this24
Me: Hey honey, can you get me a cup of coffee?
Wife: You have legs. Get it yourself.
Me: Our love story should be made into a movie.1964:45 AM – Feb 14, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy65 people are talking about this25
Me texting husband at Target: They’re just tampons. Get the ones in the pink box on the top shelf.
My husband texting me at Home Depot: It’s just a socket wrench 3/4 hex right cosine the square root of 238 sudden death overtime. It has a black handle.2,0447:21 AM – Nov 8, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy569 people are talking about this26
My wife can spot me dropping a single crumb anywhere in our house from 50 feet away but her car looks like a Starbucks exploded inside of it.1,2295:41 AM – Sep 9, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy276 people are talking about this28
Marriage 1st Year.
Husband: Hey, beautiful, I’ve got candles lit and sexy music, ready for a night of romance?
Marriage 6th Year:
Husband: The kids are asleep, wanna have sex real quick?
Me: I literally just poured the milk on my cereal.10.7K8:03 PM – Sep 5, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy1,393 people are talking about this29
WIFE: If you embarrass me in public again, I’m leaving you
[Single Ladies comes on the jukebox]
ME: *rising to my feet* Well, we had a good run2,2933:21 PM – Jun 14, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy494 people are talking about this30
Wife – We have to go to Kohls today so I can spend my $5 Kohls cash before it expires.
Me – I’ll give you $10 if I can stay home.84110:48 AM – Apr 14, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy234 people are talking about this33
*asks grocery store manager to write a note telling my wife that I looked everywhere but couldn’t find the ice cream she wanted*5,2626:37 PM – May 21, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy1,373 people are talking about this36
After 22 years my best marriage advice is don’t marry someone who sets his two phones and alarm clock to go off at 5min intervals and then always hits snooze for at least an hour.7,4214:35 AM – Sep 3, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy1,129 people are talking about this37
I’m not wearing any underwear because you didn’t put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you 100 times— LipsStyx💋 (@LipsStyx) October 12, 2018
Me: I’m in charge of the shopping cart when my wife and I go to the grocery store
Cashier: …why are you telling me this?3,0418:51 AM – Oct 7, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy662 people are talking about this44
Me watching my husband quietly close the dishwasher after taking just one clean dish out
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number
*thermostat negotiations*1,2186:42 PM – Nov 8, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy282 people are talking about this46
Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.7307:29 AM – Nov 3, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy308 people are talking about this47
Me to my husband: Why don’t you ever buy me flowers?
Me to myself when I see a dude buying flowers: What’d this motherfucker do?1,1766:52 PM – May 10, 2018Twitter Ads info and privacy284 people are talking about this49